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You have nowhere to go. I am here to protect you.

The power to forget is a necessary condition for our existence

I have no conscience, it'd wreck my social life if I had one. I've got one rule. Never sleep with crazy people without marriage.

I am a man. I am different. I'll tell you what sort of a man... a self centered, egotistical wankbot. Do you fancy a quick fiddle now we're in here? I'm not trying to lure you back into bed with my dead aunt! I'm not that bad. I've never been bad... I'm fairly new to mild naughtiness.

I'm an emotional vegetarian. I know a lot of vegetarians and we tend to like the same films. I can't have opinions about fabric, but I've come to see the point of cut flowers, and very small picture frames, and... and relatives. I'm thinking of owning more than one bar of soap at a time... and buying another towel. I absolutely promise to abandon all of my disgusting sexual deviancies.

But I don't know how to get excited about... really, really boring things, like ornaments, bath oil, the countryside, vases, small churches. I mean, I do not even know what, what is the purpose of pot-pourri! Looks like breakfast, tastes like my brain a morning after a wild party - dry, useless and full of crap.

Join me again next week on this episode of "Let's make no fucking sense" when I will be waxing an owl.


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